Minus One

The Feekin family has lost one of its members... a loving, spunky, vibrant, and benevolent woman who I called Grandma.  It seems a bit odd and almost callous to remember such a special lady on something like a blog, but I want to take the time to remember her, honor her, and share my memories of her with those closest to me.

2006

I am one of the rare few in my circle of friends who can say that I have never experienced the death of someone close to me, until now.  I consider myself quite lucky to have had the privilege of really getting to know each of my grandparents as an adult.  I feel like as I have gotten older and especially after having Lillia, I realize how important family legacy is and feel the need to honor the lessons of those who came before me. 

Todd and I took a road trip in 2010 and stopped to visit for a few days.  We got to meet "beggar" the squirrel who was quickly run off by Sydney... oops. 

As a child, I have wonderful memories of times when my grandparents would visit Texas and when we would make the trip to South Carolina.  My dad and grandpa would be working on some project in the garage and my mom and grandma would be chatting in the kitchen.  I remember enjoying the fullness of the home during those times and loved having the extra special attention.  I was always excited to have fun adventures in their travel trailers and was fascinated by the fact that a table could suddenly turn into a bed.  I remember visiting their home in South Carolina - sleeping in the sewing room in a sleeping bag on the floor surrounded by my brother, sister and cousins.  Hearing the grownups in the other room roar with laughter every few minutes and, even now, being able to recall the distinct smell of the basement - a mixture of an antique shop and Home Depot... 

Christmas 2004

Happy hours were a tradition and damn near requirement which I always enjoyed because that is when all the good snacks came out!  As an adult, they became much more fun and were probably the most highly entertaining part of each day - especially during family reunions.  From stories and embarrassing moments being shared, secrets that were never revealed and hilarious dares that seemed to only take place after a few drinks, it was a blast and my grandma was right there in the thick of it, egging it all on.  I would notice occasionally she would sit back with a wistful look on her face - almost like she was trying to ingrain the moment into memory - times with her children, grandchildren and eventually great grandchildren - she wanted to take the time to really feel it and let it embrace her. 

Meeting Lillia - March 2012

Grief is an interesting thing.  Feelings and emotions have no explanation, nor should they, at times like this.  Overwhelming sadness seems to wash over you like a wave in the ocean, sending you tumbling, rolling, and gasping for air.  Then, as quick as it came, it leaves you - disoriented but suddenly able to see, with clarity, the bigger picture - the beauty of the full lifetime of love and happiness shared.  The feelings of joy at the realization of the celebration of life.  Then, again, as quick as it left, it is back again.  A surge of feelings and out of control tears with the trigger of memories of her laughter, a pinch on the arm, or a tight tight surprise hug. 

As we toured the town in 2010 on our road trip, my grandmother would always stick her hand in my grandpa's back pocket as they walked.  Just one of those tender times I hope not to forget...

While I struggle with a heavy heart, I feel so blessed that my grandmother was able to be a part of moments in my life that were important to me.  I am also so happy she was able to meet Lillia last year.  I feel sad these two little girls in my belly will never know such a spirited and significant person, but I know her legacy will live on through us all.

8/31/2008

March 2012

March 2012

March 2012

Above all, I am left with a sense of peace and love. 

Filled with thoughts of Suzy's Zoo and Family Circus,
Becky